Cats and paint

Cleaning bussines

This afternoons conversation:

Me:
"Hey, kittens! I put a big sack of dry food in the hallway. Your food bowl had been full all day and yet you decided to claw and bite in the bottom of that sack so a lot of food ran out on the floor and I now have to keep the trashed sack up side down. Why?!"

Kittens:
"Pics or it didn't happend!"

Me:













Kittens:
"We cleaned up after our self's? :)

... Human? Helloooo.... Human?"

All your base are belong to us!

Dear Kitten
I thought we agreed that no cats should be on the table. Especially when you've been out in the mud and I got a white clean table cloth on it.
Sincerely
Your Human

Pics or it didn't happen!
/Mattis The Cat

Kitten... I caught it on camera. Now, stop walking around with muddy paws on my table!
/Annoyed Human





Fuck...
/Mattis The Cat


Wait a minute...What do you mean "your" table?
All your base are belong to us!
/The Cats

The Queen is dead! Long Live The Kings!

A year has past since I last wrote any letters to my cat.

Nyx The Cat has now gone further to hunt on the eternal mice hunting fields. I mourned my beloved cat Nyx for a long time. She was a psychotic little monster, but such an adorable little beloved monster she was.
Now two new cats have found a home with me.  (Or rather, I am accepted to live in their house under their supervision.)
And guess what? They also drags in unwanted dead mice, knocks over my tea-cups and gets bored when it's cold outside.
So I decided to keep writing letters, but to them this time.

Meet Mattis and Borka, the two cat brothers that put the B in Brothers. They fight and lick each other with the same passion and steal food from each other too.

Queen Nyx is dead. Long Live the Kings Mattis and Borka!

About proper gifts...

Dear Cat
It's very nice that you wanted to bring my guests a welcome gift when they stayed the weekend. Unfortunatly I do not think that they really was impressed by that half dead mouse you droped on the carpet. A stuffed toy next time perhaps? Or just a simple "Hello!" might do a better impression.
Sincerly
The Catowner


Dear Human
As my big hero said: To belive in something and not to live it is dishonest.
Sincerly
The Cat


Dear Cat
Stop quoting Ghandi. You found that on a t-shirt and have no clue what that mean.
S.
/Your Human


Mental note to self:
Bring a dead bird next time.
/The Cat

This box is mine...

To the melody "Exodus"

This box is mine, God gave this box to me.
This box, this fantastic box to me
And though it's kinda small
I fit it after all
And for ever in this box 

yes I will sleep!

Humans are so easy to manipulate

Conversation about this day:

Cat owner:
Hey cat! You went out this morning and were gone for over an hour. Then you came in and first went to the litter box to do your business, then you gobbled down your food as if you're starved for a week and spread out a lot of dry food all over the floor. Finally you jumped up on the table to knock down my cup of tea. All this took you about 10 minutes. Then you went out and was gone for an hour again. You are not welcome back home. I'm going to get me a hamster.

The  Cat:
Have I told you how excited I am to see you?

Cat Owner:
Do not even try ...

The Cat:
Do you want to cuddle? Can I sleep in your lap?

Cat Owner:
* Mumble mumble * I am so damn cheap ...

Mind control

Dear cat
An hour ago I woke up with you sitting on my chest and staring again. Just stare. Why do you keep on staring at me? I told you it's creepy and I am not gona burst into flames. You are not superman and you have not laser beam eyes. Please stop.
Sincerly
/Cat Owner


Dear Human
I'm practicing mind control.
S.
/Your cat


Dear Cat
Seriously? You think you have mind... Do you want more meat perhaps? Or do I need to clean your... Oh, damnit, kitten! Stop it!
Sincerly
Your Slave

Dear Human
Moahahaha....
S.
Your God

I'm superman!

Dear Cat
It happens quite often that you're just sitting in the middle of the floor and staring at me. Just stare. In several minutes. I wonder, what's that about? It kinda creepys the hell out of me.
Sincerly
Your Human

Dear Human
I'm testing if I'm superman and my eyes are death rays. My scientific experiments have shown, however, I do not possess these powers. Yet. A strong counter-evidence for this is that you try to pet me instead of burning up. More tests are needed.
Sincerly
The Cat

Burlgers?

Dear Cat
I just woke up this morning and heard a strange noise in the livingroom. Then I saw you hiding behind the sofa for no reason and my dreaca tree knocked over so there was dirt all across the floor. Did we have a burglur or something?
Sincerly
/The Cat Owner

Dear Human
Pic's or it didn't happend!
S.
/The Cat

About cupboards and closets

Dear Cat
When I got home today all the cabinet doors where open, including the door to the broom closet. All things in the broom closet which include the entire box with small nails were thrown out on the floor and in addition sommebody had had the bad taste to use their tiny claws to shred the unused dust bags, so now they are useless. Due to a lot of black cat hair on the towel you are on probable suspicion and I demand an apology.
Sincerely Cat Owner

Dear Human
I was bored.
Sincerely The Cat

A good mouse is NOT a dead mouse!

Dear Cat
I see that your hobby of killing things is still a lively and active hobby. This time you stashed your very dead mouse in the corner under a box and it took me at least 2 days to find out what the source of the fowl smell came from. I starting to lean towards getting a dog.
Sincerly
//The Cat Owner

Dear Human
A dog is a smelly and dirty animal with no sens of finess when it come to what they drag into the house. At least I don't go roll in other cats poo or eat my own vomit.
Sincerly
//The Cat

Dear Cat
Perhaps I should get a hamster...
Sincerly
/Cat Owner

About kittens

Dear Cat
Why do you hate all other animals? I really want a new kitten in the house, but tried that before and you bullied that poor kitten for months.
Sincerly
/The Cat Owner

Dear Human
You can't be a crazy old cat lady with only one cat. Just doing you a favor!
Sincerly
//The Cat

Bored now!

Dear Cat
If you are bored, couldn't you do something less destructiv than open all doors on my cupboards and closet and then trash around in there so everything is either a mess or broke when you stop? How about start a hobby that includs long walks or perhaps knitting?
Sincerly your human

Dear Human
Fix the cold.
S.
/The Cat

About cold and snow

Hey Human!
Someone put a lot of white icey cold stuff around the house. Very distrubing. And it's frikkin' cold in general too. Fix it! Oh, and because of the cold I had to use your bathroom. No one can pee out side, my butt will freeze.
S.
/The Cat


Dear Cat
It's called snow, it comes every year this time of the year. Sorry, can't fix. And yes, I noticed the bathroom. No one could avoid that smell.
Sincerly
/ The Cat Owner  

About cuddling

Dear Cat
It's super cute when you cuddle with me. Stroking a cats belly is like frollic in angelic hair. But, do you think we can change the time from cuddling time to some where between 8 a.m and 5 p.m instead of 3 a.m. in the morning?
Sinerly
//The Cat owner


Dear Human
I don't do office hours.
Sincerly
/The Cat

About love

Dear Cat

I noticed that you go outside when it rains, come in wet, use me as a napkin and then leave me again. Is that all I am for you? A napkin? I thought you loved me?
Sincerly
/Your Owner
----------------------------

Dear Human
You are so much more to me than a napkin.
Sincerly
/The Cat
--------------------------

Dear Cat
Awwww! That is sooo cute!
Hugs
/Your human

----------------------

Dear Human
You are also two hands that pour up the food,  the one that cleans my litterbox, the one that pets me when I want to, something I can sharpen my claws at and you make funny noise when I creep up behind you in the dark and stroke my slef at your legs.
Sincerly
The Cat
----------------------------

That's not love. That's you seeing me as a slave. Or a piece of furniture...
/Cat Owner
---------------------------

Yes..?
/The cat

About mice... again...

Dear Cat
Seams we have to have a new talk about your hobby of killing things. Yes, it wearn't alive and tortured/slaughtered in my livingroom this time. Leaving it's head in my shoes does feel a little too "Godfather"-like for my taste though. If you are trying to tell me something... I have the same policy as the government, I do not give in for terrorist threats.
//Sincerely
The Cat Owner


Dear Human
Let me just quote the american president George Bush: "We do not create terrorism by fighting the terrorists. We invite terrorism by ignoring them."

Sincerly 

//The Cat

Dear Cat

Don't even got me started. Just skip the mouse head or I skip your dinner.
Sincerly 

//The cat Owner

Dear Human
Ghandi was not your biggest hero, was he?
Sincerly
//The Cat

Food!

Dear Cat
I was so happy! You came and greeted me at the door when I came home from work. You was so cuddly and sweet. Does this mean you actually love me?
Sincerly Cat Owner



Dear Human
You Forgot To Give Me Food This Morning!
Sincerly The Cat

About the mice

Dear Cat
How about you kill the mouse before draggin it inside the house? I know it's raining, but I am not amused over mouse slaughter in my livingroom!
Sincerly
/Cat owner



Dear Human
You really don't have any fun, do you?
Sincerly
//The Cat

P.s: You took MY mouse and trow it away. This behaviour can not be tolerated. I will get my revenge, stay tuned...